Oh what a day! Turkey day that is! I'd like to just make short mention to all, Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for all of you that actually read this, but that actually aint what I'm writing about......
I've been stained. Not just as of late but in regards to my whole life. I'm not hounding anyone out, but more or less sharing a little slice of my story. Right now, life is great! It has it's ups and downs, but I couldn't complain. Things can at times seem to be at an all-time low but it's nothing to worry about when you know Gods got his plan and he will do what is best for you. You may feel as if things are in your hands and your 'future' is up to you, when in the real world, it's not really at all... It's in Gods hands. No matter how 'correct' or 'right' you feel about a situation, God could change the outcome with the snap of a finger! It's a lesson commonly learned the hard way. It is one of those ideas that you might have a hard time really taking it to heart until you experience it first hand.
It sounds so cliche but I love God. I've become a totally different person because of him. My history in high school and even some of my early college career didn't allow for the God that I know today. His lessons for me are everlasting, I can almost swear I learn something new every day! His affect on my life has been so grand...I can't even begin to explain.
A lot of those lessons that I've been taught, were through a 3rd party. Almost as if God spoke to me through a situation. I actually see that as a very common way of learning. It's awesome at times, and at other times not so much. There are the times of joy and happiness and there are the times of sadness and regret. Live life and love it! Hold nothing back, take every moment as if it were your last!
Just a public notice to all of you - I'm not hating on any of you listening! (I'm referring mostly to people of the past) I love all of you guys! Especially those of you who are 'Followers' of this blog! Rock on! The experiences of this life are so grand, I don't think I would want to, better yet I don't think I could call anyone out. Things happen for a reason, therefore there is no reason to get upset about it! :)
I just felt like spilling some of my guts for the day, I think this food is getting to me. I'm feeling very tired, almost helpless!
If anyone ever wants to talk? Feels like they need someone to talk to? Or anything related to that, I'm here! I'm a big fan of listening, and doing what I can to help! All you have to do is through me a line, and I'll take the bait!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
A Bleak Domicile
You are probably wondering about all of these titles.... the titles of my blogs. The purpose was to get you thinking. If you don't know the meaning of it, look it up!
Now to get my day started, I felt like writing my wake me up a bit. A weekend with nothing to do is rare. I started last evening with an all-nighter hosted by my moms homeroom class. It was rather enjoyable playing soccer for 6 hours straight. That was about the only thing officially planned for this weekend, other than church really. But that doesn't count, that's part of my normal weekend! I'm currently sitting at home, nothing in mind, feeling very relaxed. I can't remember the last time this has happened. It's crazy, I can't complain though. I'm loving this! It's probably going to go down like this:
1) Sit here, complete this blog
2) Maybe snack a little bit
3) Considering going to visit my fellow brother, Gregory Shirk at Redners
Visiting Greg might be the one physical thing I do - but not until later. Fantastic, an empty house, a nice recliner, and a laptop that will listen to every word I say.
This is a beautiful day, free of activity. I've needed one of these for a long while. It's about time!
Did I need this time to relax? Am I supposed to chill? Just this once, I'm going to take this day as it is. I won't be desperately looking for something to do. I'm going late tonight. But as far as this "day" is concerned, it's empty! I'm comfortable....It's unussual but I can't complain. For some reason I can't wipe the smile off of my face today....
Is there a reason to my happiness? It's even partially unknown to myself. It would be very difficult to turn this smile upside down.... (p.s. that was not a personal invite to try)
Have a fantastic day! I know I will! Join me!
Peace and Blessings to all,
Dan
Now to get my day started, I felt like writing my wake me up a bit. A weekend with nothing to do is rare. I started last evening with an all-nighter hosted by my moms homeroom class. It was rather enjoyable playing soccer for 6 hours straight. That was about the only thing officially planned for this weekend, other than church really. But that doesn't count, that's part of my normal weekend! I'm currently sitting at home, nothing in mind, feeling very relaxed. I can't remember the last time this has happened. It's crazy, I can't complain though. I'm loving this! It's probably going to go down like this:
1) Sit here, complete this blog
2) Maybe snack a little bit
3) Considering going to visit my fellow brother, Gregory Shirk at Redners
Visiting Greg might be the one physical thing I do - but not until later. Fantastic, an empty house, a nice recliner, and a laptop that will listen to every word I say.
This is a beautiful day, free of activity. I've needed one of these for a long while. It's about time!
Did I need this time to relax? Am I supposed to chill? Just this once, I'm going to take this day as it is. I won't be desperately looking for something to do. I'm going late tonight. But as far as this "day" is concerned, it's empty! I'm comfortable....It's unussual but I can't complain. For some reason I can't wipe the smile off of my face today....
Is there a reason to my happiness? It's even partially unknown to myself. It would be very difficult to turn this smile upside down.... (p.s. that was not a personal invite to try)
Have a fantastic day! I know I will! Join me!
Peace and Blessings to all,
Dan
Friday, November 21, 2008
Metamorphosis of the Mind
Some days we wake up and go to sleep thinking we know what to expect the following day. We get into this routine of thoughts, activities, and personal habits. There are times where we all think we know exactly what’s about to happen, how a situation will rule out, and all that jazz. Well here is the wake up call; we are not in control of our lives. God’s got us; God is the one running the show. He will do what He’s got to do to carry on his plan. Some things you may seem destined for, but be sure, there is no guarantee in life. One second you may be thinking that things couldn’t get any better, trust me, it’s not all high rolling… You will go through the best of times, and you will go through the worst of times. No one is able avoid God, sorry Folks!
Lessons will be learned. Life is full of them. Oh and yes, just when you think you have been taught everything there is to know, you’re in for a big butt kickin’! Be humble, know that you can face change at any point in your life. Don’t get upset, and don’t let it bother you, just know that it wasn’t meant to be. It’s life, get used to it!
I’m not trying to tell you to blame God, not whatsoever. He may change what you think is good, into something that you may not be very ecstatic about. Trust me though, it’s for the better! He is not there to tear your life apart, but to piece it together to fulfill his overall plan. No matter what, things will eventually turn out your way, but God may have some lessons for you before the lifetime of happiness arrives.
I’m not calling anyone out; I’m just doing my thing. It has been another one of the many things that have been on my mind. Writing is a medicinal aide at times, actually more often than not. It gets me thinking straight, and helps me cope with the things of life! I’m in no way, shape, or form mad or angry with anyone. I’m personally more bothered by myself, and the way I’ve come to handle some things. I get upset over little things, later to come to my senses. The overall lesson I’ve learned is to not even have certain expectancies of life, just know that they will come when God thinks you are ready.
Before anyone jumps to any conclusions as to what is going on exactly.... please do talk to me or whatever... I'm not a fan of falsehoods. If you care to know... your better off asking me than asking around. Not saying that I'm going to necessarily tell you but your chances are better talking to me, than talking to the grapevine.
I could write and write and write but I’m calling it quits for today…I’m not sure anyone is reading this at all, but whoever is out there, feel free to give me some feedback. I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Thanks for tuning in,
-Dan
Lessons will be learned. Life is full of them. Oh and yes, just when you think you have been taught everything there is to know, you’re in for a big butt kickin’! Be humble, know that you can face change at any point in your life. Don’t get upset, and don’t let it bother you, just know that it wasn’t meant to be. It’s life, get used to it!
I’m not trying to tell you to blame God, not whatsoever. He may change what you think is good, into something that you may not be very ecstatic about. Trust me though, it’s for the better! He is not there to tear your life apart, but to piece it together to fulfill his overall plan. No matter what, things will eventually turn out your way, but God may have some lessons for you before the lifetime of happiness arrives.
I’m not calling anyone out; I’m just doing my thing. It has been another one of the many things that have been on my mind. Writing is a medicinal aide at times, actually more often than not. It gets me thinking straight, and helps me cope with the things of life! I’m in no way, shape, or form mad or angry with anyone. I’m personally more bothered by myself, and the way I’ve come to handle some things. I get upset over little things, later to come to my senses. The overall lesson I’ve learned is to not even have certain expectancies of life, just know that they will come when God thinks you are ready.
Before anyone jumps to any conclusions as to what is going on exactly.... please do talk to me or whatever... I'm not a fan of falsehoods. If you care to know... your better off asking me than asking around. Not saying that I'm going to necessarily tell you but your chances are better talking to me, than talking to the grapevine.
I could write and write and write but I’m calling it quits for today…I’m not sure anyone is reading this at all, but whoever is out there, feel free to give me some feedback. I’d love to hear what you have to say.
Thanks for tuning in,
-Dan
Thursday, November 20, 2008
An Odd Complacency
Here I sit wondering….. pondering….
What’s wrong with my arm….. it KILLS right now… like it has this hurting pain that almost makes me wish I didn’t have a left arm. It’s not like ‘ouch, I got a boo boo’ but it’s like ouch I feel like I have an overbearing tumor I can feel growing on my forearm. I have no idea what the deal is, but whatever it is, will hopefully be gone soon enough.
That’s not actually what I was wondering about, better yet I was wondering about the snow. Is it me or has it come early this year? Does that mean we are in for a big winter? I can’t decide whether I’m rooting for the snow or not………
I wanted to just jumble a few things down today, just to try to get into a routine of doing this. The next blog will more than likely a 180 degree turn in relation to this one!
I'm feeling pretty good today, besides my arm and a slight head cold.... but I think it's just the weather.... or maybe it's me....thanks for tuning in!
OH YEAHHH!!! For kicks and giggles, if anyone, whoever (probably no one) is reading this, I just request that you do yourself a favor. Humor yourself for a little bit. Enjoy the thoughts and reasoning’s of this fellow blogger by the name of A_Mental_Breakdown…….. A.K.A. ME! Haha I stumbled upon this blog recently when I was thinking about the olden days and what happened to my old xanga?!
http://www.xanga.com/A_Mental_Breakdown
Please enjoy that! It was my attempt at helping those around me – with life lessons, jibber-jabber and some other gobbly-gook.
-Dan
Oh I did a little brainstorming of my own.... kind of just threw together a huge list of songs/artists you should look up!
What’s wrong with my arm….. it KILLS right now… like it has this hurting pain that almost makes me wish I didn’t have a left arm. It’s not like ‘ouch, I got a boo boo’ but it’s like ouch I feel like I have an overbearing tumor I can feel growing on my forearm. I have no idea what the deal is, but whatever it is, will hopefully be gone soon enough.
That’s not actually what I was wondering about, better yet I was wondering about the snow. Is it me or has it come early this year? Does that mean we are in for a big winter? I can’t decide whether I’m rooting for the snow or not………
I wanted to just jumble a few things down today, just to try to get into a routine of doing this. The next blog will more than likely a 180 degree turn in relation to this one!
I'm feeling pretty good today, besides my arm and a slight head cold.... but I think it's just the weather.... or maybe it's me....thanks for tuning in!
OH YEAHHH!!! For kicks and giggles, if anyone, whoever (probably no one) is reading this, I just request that you do yourself a favor. Humor yourself for a little bit. Enjoy the thoughts and reasoning’s of this fellow blogger by the name of A_Mental_Breakdown…….. A.K.A. ME! Haha I stumbled upon this blog recently when I was thinking about the olden days and what happened to my old xanga?!
http://www.xanga.com/A_Mental_Breakdown
Please enjoy that! It was my attempt at helping those around me – with life lessons, jibber-jabber and some other gobbly-gook.
-Dan
Oh I did a little brainstorming of my own.... kind of just threw together a huge list of songs/artists you should look up!
1) BABY COME ON (ACOUSTIC)
+ 44
2) SAVIOR
30 SECONDS TO MARS
3) DIRTY AND LEFT OUT
THE ALMOST
4) PAPERTHIN HYMN
ANBERLIN
5) LOVE JEALOUS ONE, LOVE
AS CITIES BURN
6) SUNDAY BEST
AUGUSTANA
7) BACK BURNER
AUGUST BURNS RED
8) WHITE LINES & RED LIGHTS
BETWEEN THE TREES
9) RISE UP
BLESSTHEFALL
10) SOWING SEASON
BRAND NEW
11) BLESSED
BRETT DENNEN
12) THE WORDS ‘BEST FRIEND’ BECOME REDEFINED
CHIODOS
13) THE WORDLESS
CINEMATIC SUNRISE
14) ON LETTING GO
CIRCA SURVIVE
15) BULLET AND A TARGET
CITIZEN COPE
16) DAY OLD HATE
CITY AND COLOUR
17) MATTRESSES UNDERWATER
COLOUR REVOLT
18) TWO PIANOS
COOL HAND LUKE
19) YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION
COPELAND
20) REMEMBER TO BREATHE
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL
21) RED HANDS
THE DEAR HUNTER
22) WHAT SARAH SAID
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
23) THE GENERAL
DISPATCH
24) 1000 TIMES A DAY
THE EARLY NOVEMBER
25) THE PONYTAIL PARADES
EMERY
26) FROM CRIB TO COFFIN
EMERY
27) THE FIRST SINGLE
THE FORMAT
28) SHE IS
THE FRAY
29) ALREADY GONE
FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER
30) IRIS
GOO GOO DOLLS
31) IT’S MYSELF VS BEING A MAN
INHALE/EXHALE
32) TAYLOR
JACK JOHNSON
33) MFEO: MADE FOR EACH OTHER PT. 1&2
JACK’S MANNEQUIN
34) I’M YOURS
JASON MRAZ
35) SWEETNESS
JIMMY EAT WORLD
36) MY SIDE OF THE STORY
JUNE
37) BLIND BEHIND THE WHEEL
KIDS IN THE WAY
38) MY CURSE
KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
39) FALLING AWAY FROM ME
KORN
40) DANGEROUS BUSINESS SINCE 1979
LEGION OF DOOM
41) HOLD MY HEART, PT. 1
LETTER KILLS
42) YOU AND ME
LIFEHOUSE
43) HANDS HELD HIGH
LINKIN PARK
44) PAPERCUT
LINKIN PARK
45) THIS TIME IS THE LAST TIME
MAE
46) I WROTE THIS SONG
MAKING APRIL
47) CALL ME
MAT KEARNEY
48) MISERABLE AT BEST
MAYDAY PARADE
49) THE SOVIET
MEWITHOUTYOU
50) THE WORLD AT LARGE
MODEST MOUSE
51) KNIGHTS OF CYDONIA
MUSE
52) QUESTION!
OFF THE BEAT
53) VICES LIKE VIPERS
OH, SLEEPER
54) TIMING IS EVERYTHING
OUR LAST NIGHT
55) THE DISTRICT SLEEPS ALONE TONIGHT
THE POSTAL SERVICE
56) BONE MARROW
PROTEST THE HERO
57) PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
THE RECEIVING END OF SIRENS
58) TOTAL REVENGE (ACOUSTIC)
SAY ANYTHING
59) BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN (ACOUSTIC)
THE SCENE AESTHETIC
60) LET IT ROLL
SECONDHAND SERENADE
61) TAKE MY HAND
SHAWN MCDONALD
62) OPEN YOUR EYES
SNOW PATROL
63) KONSTANTINE
SOMETHING CORPORATE
64) THE TIDE
THE SPILL CANVAS
65) PHOTOGRAPHY
THE STARTING LINE
66) MISTAKES WE KNEW WE WERE MAKING
STRAYLIGHT RUN
67) HOW I REMEMBER YOU
SULLIVAN
68) DOWN HERE, WE ALL FLOAT
SULLIVAN
69) DIVINE INTERVENTION
TAKING BACK SUNDAY
70) CITIZENS OF TOMORROW
TOKYO POLICE CLUB
71) I DON’T FEEL VERY RECEPTIVE TODAY
UNDEROATH
72) WRITING ON THE WALLS
UNDEROATH
73) THE ONLY SURVIVOR WAS MIRACULOUSLY UNHARMED
UNDEROATH
+ 44
2) SAVIOR
30 SECONDS TO MARS
3) DIRTY AND LEFT OUT
THE ALMOST
4) PAPERTHIN HYMN
ANBERLIN
5) LOVE JEALOUS ONE, LOVE
AS CITIES BURN
6) SUNDAY BEST
AUGUSTANA
7) BACK BURNER
AUGUST BURNS RED
8) WHITE LINES & RED LIGHTS
BETWEEN THE TREES
9) RISE UP
BLESSTHEFALL
10) SOWING SEASON
BRAND NEW
11) BLESSED
BRETT DENNEN
12) THE WORDS ‘BEST FRIEND’ BECOME REDEFINED
CHIODOS
13) THE WORDLESS
CINEMATIC SUNRISE
14) ON LETTING GO
CIRCA SURVIVE
15) BULLET AND A TARGET
CITIZEN COPE
16) DAY OLD HATE
CITY AND COLOUR
17) MATTRESSES UNDERWATER
COLOUR REVOLT
18) TWO PIANOS
COOL HAND LUKE
19) YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION
COPELAND
20) REMEMBER TO BREATHE
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL
21) RED HANDS
THE DEAR HUNTER
22) WHAT SARAH SAID
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
23) THE GENERAL
DISPATCH
24) 1000 TIMES A DAY
THE EARLY NOVEMBER
25) THE PONYTAIL PARADES
EMERY
26) FROM CRIB TO COFFIN
EMERY
27) THE FIRST SINGLE
THE FORMAT
28) SHE IS
THE FRAY
29) ALREADY GONE
FURTHER SEEMS FOREVER
30) IRIS
GOO GOO DOLLS
31) IT’S MYSELF VS BEING A MAN
INHALE/EXHALE
32) TAYLOR
JACK JOHNSON
33) MFEO: MADE FOR EACH OTHER PT. 1&2
JACK’S MANNEQUIN
34) I’M YOURS
JASON MRAZ
35) SWEETNESS
JIMMY EAT WORLD
36) MY SIDE OF THE STORY
JUNE
37) BLIND BEHIND THE WHEEL
KIDS IN THE WAY
38) MY CURSE
KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
39) FALLING AWAY FROM ME
KORN
40) DANGEROUS BUSINESS SINCE 1979
LEGION OF DOOM
41) HOLD MY HEART, PT. 1
LETTER KILLS
42) YOU AND ME
LIFEHOUSE
43) HANDS HELD HIGH
LINKIN PARK
44) PAPERCUT
LINKIN PARK
45) THIS TIME IS THE LAST TIME
MAE
46) I WROTE THIS SONG
MAKING APRIL
47) CALL ME
MAT KEARNEY
48) MISERABLE AT BEST
MAYDAY PARADE
49) THE SOVIET
MEWITHOUTYOU
50) THE WORLD AT LARGE
MODEST MOUSE
51) KNIGHTS OF CYDONIA
MUSE
52) QUESTION!
OFF THE BEAT
53) VICES LIKE VIPERS
OH, SLEEPER
54) TIMING IS EVERYTHING
OUR LAST NIGHT
55) THE DISTRICT SLEEPS ALONE TONIGHT
THE POSTAL SERVICE
56) BONE MARROW
PROTEST THE HERO
57) PLANNING A PRISON BREAK
THE RECEIVING END OF SIRENS
58) TOTAL REVENGE (ACOUSTIC)
SAY ANYTHING
59) BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN (ACOUSTIC)
THE SCENE AESTHETIC
60) LET IT ROLL
SECONDHAND SERENADE
61) TAKE MY HAND
SHAWN MCDONALD
62) OPEN YOUR EYES
SNOW PATROL
63) KONSTANTINE
SOMETHING CORPORATE
64) THE TIDE
THE SPILL CANVAS
65) PHOTOGRAPHY
THE STARTING LINE
66) MISTAKES WE KNEW WE WERE MAKING
STRAYLIGHT RUN
67) HOW I REMEMBER YOU
SULLIVAN
68) DOWN HERE, WE ALL FLOAT
SULLIVAN
69) DIVINE INTERVENTION
TAKING BACK SUNDAY
70) CITIZENS OF TOMORROW
TOKYO POLICE CLUB
71) I DON’T FEEL VERY RECEPTIVE TODAY
UNDEROATH
72) WRITING ON THE WALLS
UNDEROATH
73) THE ONLY SURVIVOR WAS MIRACULOUSLY UNHARMED
UNDEROATH
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Chalk Talk....
We can’t get away from life sometimes! There is nothing within human power that a man or woman can do to alter God’s plan. He knows your life story, even before it happens – He knows exactly what will happen, and He in fact came up with the blueprint for each of our lives. There’s nothing we can do to stop it. We live, we learn, we crash, and we burn. Life is full of events that create images in our minds, whether they be blurry or as vivid as watching a television screen. These events will remain part of your memory for a good amount of time, especially those that were so vivid. Before I go any further – this is not directed towards anyone, but myself. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, and I’m finally able to write out what I’ve been thinking. I was encouraged by a friend of mine to do so, just for the heck of it. This isn’t to attack anyone, so fellow bloggers, or whoever may be reading, don’t take this personally. The names and people mentioned will remain unnamed.
For starters I’d like to admit that through many of my relationships or whatever you might call them, I have learned a lot. I was discussing this with a dear friend just last night. I have been through a lot, and a lot of what would not be considered healthy relationships. Through those unhealthy relations, I came to learn so very much about myself, as well as people and their actions. These things I’ve learned are things about what I can tolerate in a relationship, and what I cannot tolerate in a partner. Here is a little idea of those things; I will elaborate on them following the blog.
Can Tolerate:
A sensitive personality
Open Behavior in public
Open Ears
Comfortable With Me
Someone That Wants To Be Around Me
Honesty, even at the roughest of times (it shows character)
Can’t Tolerate:
Lying
Misleading Actions
A Failure to Communicate
Someone that doesn’t care what I’m doing
Someone that doesn’t want to really spend time together
Those are only a few of many things that I have come to realize. But to get started on things, so people don’t necessarily jump to conclusions right away. In regards to tolerating a sensitive girl, I said that because someone who is sensitive tends to have a caring nature and is concerned not only about her but with me as well. I can relate that to a situation I was in early 2007 to mid 2007 where those thoughts of knowing I had someone who cared about me, just made me feel so special. On the other hand in that situation, sometimes those understandings of “care” are totally misconstrued. In fact in that situation of early 2007 – I later realized (July 2007) that I was being mislead with actions and words, as well as lied to. It hurt a lot, but honestly, I don’t think God would have put me through that if he didn’t want to teach me a lesson. I believe he taught me a lesson of being careful where I put my heart, and before putting it all on the table, I need to analyze both sides of the relationship to be sure of what I am getting myself into.
Earlier on in my dating career, with one of my first girlfriends – I realized things about myself that either I needed to change or my future girlfriend might have to accept. Early in those days, things were all nice and cute, no drama, no complication or anything of that sort…. Until that first relationship ended I thought I had everything right, and I was going to be the best boyfriend the world could offer. But not according to her… the reasons for this break up was because I liked to spend time with her, because I was all about ‘flattering’ her and just treating her in the respect a guy should… well I was wrong in that, and that’s one thing I’ve learned – you’re probably assuming I’m about to say “I changed that about myself”… well the truth is I didn’t, that is one thing that I will refuse to change. My future girlfriend/fiancé/wife will have to accept that she will be treated like a queen. For a while after that happened it totally made me question myself and put sent some very puzzling thoughts to the pillow I would lay my head upon at night. This relationship was not only ended because of that, but also because a lack of honesty an overbearing acts of betrayal. Not on my part, but the other half’s. So in saying that – that girl out there, wherever she is…. She has to want to be around me, I can’t force it on her, but trust me if she doesn’t want me around, then I don’t want her around…. Adios muchacha!
So lessons, lessons, lessons….. life is full of them. Whether in regards to relationships, family, work, school, and even in faith.
Recently I put myself into a pretty awful situation that I totally look back at and wonder, “What the heck were you thinking?” I played a foolish man that was lonely and was desperate for some attention, so when that happens – I look in all the wrong places… In this case – a non-Christian girl who is in need (or likes) the attention too…. In this scenario – I was a fool for thinking this would fix any of my loneliness. Do random hookups even count for anything? No… it’s almost just an act of desperation on my part, desperation for the attention, desperation for the love and affection I wanted and longed for. You are probably saying aloud – “Are you kidding me?!” No I’m not.. I’m admitting that I struggle with that, I struggle with the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, I struggle with thoughts of depression at times (not drastic), I struggle with thoughts of just starting a whole new life and leaving everything behind, I struggle with the fact that I want the attention, that I want the love, HERE AND NOW and I can’t get it!
All I can do is pray about it, God has helped me cope with many of the mistakes I have made, some may consider them great and some may consider them petty. I’ve learned that whatever has happened or will happen is God ordained, and I can’t do anything to change that. If he’s got something that he wants me to know, I’m sure he will show me, whether it a smack on the wrist or a slight tap on the back.
That girl I want has to be right, I’m not settling for less, because too often have I found myself in rotten situations where I am not happy or satisfied and I am making exceptions for myself. I have spent too much time not listening to God while growing up, I’ve always been taught, male and female both shall be wed as Christians, and that a marriage that is between a non-believer and a believer is sinful and you should avoid that at all costs. Instead of taking what I’ve learned and rolling with it, I’ve made mistakes and not considered those things that I should have held dear to my heart. Going into a relationship from here on out (as of about 6 or 7 months ago) I can’t/won’t get involved in a relationship unless I was sure I could see myself with this person later down the road. And since then I have not dated a soul, and that’s where I believe the devil is attacking me, tempting me with these opportunities to enjoy the joys of love without being attached….. I’m sorry buddy, I ain’t fallin for it again….
Another dear lesson I’ve pulled together from my list of experiences is that a relationship that I delve myself into cannot be an immediate boyfriend/girlfriend deal; it has to be friendship based first. For any girl that I date, I want them to know everything there is to know about me as well as my life before they commit to making themselves a part of it, even before the simple stage of just being a girlfriend. Too many times I saw myself just jumping into things, and those times are the times that I was out as quick as I came! Things just ended in a jiffy. Did it happen often? Not really, but when it did, I learned. I learned how to value a friendship above all else, and that before I could commit to a serious relationship, I would need to commit to a serious friendship beforehand.
Friendship is very important and dear to me. It hurts to lose those close to me and I will do everything in my power to keep them a part of my life. There are points in time, where you can do nothing but clench your teeth at the thought of not being able to talk to a friend again. Losing people is one of the things that I hate most, but sometimes, in some cases it is inevitable. I mean, what can you do? ....Just pray....Pray for the best...
This probably sounds like a super crazy broken down version of Dr. Phil for our generation. I don’t mean to bash anyone or anyone’s opinions about the subject if there are any….. Please feel free to comment on the blog, I’d love to hear what you guys have to say!
Much love to all of you for listening – I appreciate your time.
For starters I’d like to admit that through many of my relationships or whatever you might call them, I have learned a lot. I was discussing this with a dear friend just last night. I have been through a lot, and a lot of what would not be considered healthy relationships. Through those unhealthy relations, I came to learn so very much about myself, as well as people and their actions. These things I’ve learned are things about what I can tolerate in a relationship, and what I cannot tolerate in a partner. Here is a little idea of those things; I will elaborate on them following the blog.
Can Tolerate:
A sensitive personality
Open Behavior in public
Open Ears
Comfortable With Me
Someone That Wants To Be Around Me
Honesty, even at the roughest of times (it shows character)
Can’t Tolerate:
Lying
Misleading Actions
A Failure to Communicate
Someone that doesn’t care what I’m doing
Someone that doesn’t want to really spend time together
Those are only a few of many things that I have come to realize. But to get started on things, so people don’t necessarily jump to conclusions right away. In regards to tolerating a sensitive girl, I said that because someone who is sensitive tends to have a caring nature and is concerned not only about her but with me as well. I can relate that to a situation I was in early 2007 to mid 2007 where those thoughts of knowing I had someone who cared about me, just made me feel so special. On the other hand in that situation, sometimes those understandings of “care” are totally misconstrued. In fact in that situation of early 2007 – I later realized (July 2007) that I was being mislead with actions and words, as well as lied to. It hurt a lot, but honestly, I don’t think God would have put me through that if he didn’t want to teach me a lesson. I believe he taught me a lesson of being careful where I put my heart, and before putting it all on the table, I need to analyze both sides of the relationship to be sure of what I am getting myself into.
Earlier on in my dating career, with one of my first girlfriends – I realized things about myself that either I needed to change or my future girlfriend might have to accept. Early in those days, things were all nice and cute, no drama, no complication or anything of that sort…. Until that first relationship ended I thought I had everything right, and I was going to be the best boyfriend the world could offer. But not according to her… the reasons for this break up was because I liked to spend time with her, because I was all about ‘flattering’ her and just treating her in the respect a guy should… well I was wrong in that, and that’s one thing I’ve learned – you’re probably assuming I’m about to say “I changed that about myself”… well the truth is I didn’t, that is one thing that I will refuse to change. My future girlfriend/fiancé/wife will have to accept that she will be treated like a queen. For a while after that happened it totally made me question myself and put sent some very puzzling thoughts to the pillow I would lay my head upon at night. This relationship was not only ended because of that, but also because a lack of honesty an overbearing acts of betrayal. Not on my part, but the other half’s. So in saying that – that girl out there, wherever she is…. She has to want to be around me, I can’t force it on her, but trust me if she doesn’t want me around, then I don’t want her around…. Adios muchacha!
So lessons, lessons, lessons….. life is full of them. Whether in regards to relationships, family, work, school, and even in faith.
Recently I put myself into a pretty awful situation that I totally look back at and wonder, “What the heck were you thinking?” I played a foolish man that was lonely and was desperate for some attention, so when that happens – I look in all the wrong places… In this case – a non-Christian girl who is in need (or likes) the attention too…. In this scenario – I was a fool for thinking this would fix any of my loneliness. Do random hookups even count for anything? No… it’s almost just an act of desperation on my part, desperation for the attention, desperation for the love and affection I wanted and longed for. You are probably saying aloud – “Are you kidding me?!” No I’m not.. I’m admitting that I struggle with that, I struggle with the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, I struggle with thoughts of depression at times (not drastic), I struggle with thoughts of just starting a whole new life and leaving everything behind, I struggle with the fact that I want the attention, that I want the love, HERE AND NOW and I can’t get it!
All I can do is pray about it, God has helped me cope with many of the mistakes I have made, some may consider them great and some may consider them petty. I’ve learned that whatever has happened or will happen is God ordained, and I can’t do anything to change that. If he’s got something that he wants me to know, I’m sure he will show me, whether it a smack on the wrist or a slight tap on the back.
That girl I want has to be right, I’m not settling for less, because too often have I found myself in rotten situations where I am not happy or satisfied and I am making exceptions for myself. I have spent too much time not listening to God while growing up, I’ve always been taught, male and female both shall be wed as Christians, and that a marriage that is between a non-believer and a believer is sinful and you should avoid that at all costs. Instead of taking what I’ve learned and rolling with it, I’ve made mistakes and not considered those things that I should have held dear to my heart. Going into a relationship from here on out (as of about 6 or 7 months ago) I can’t/won’t get involved in a relationship unless I was sure I could see myself with this person later down the road. And since then I have not dated a soul, and that’s where I believe the devil is attacking me, tempting me with these opportunities to enjoy the joys of love without being attached….. I’m sorry buddy, I ain’t fallin for it again….
Another dear lesson I’ve pulled together from my list of experiences is that a relationship that I delve myself into cannot be an immediate boyfriend/girlfriend deal; it has to be friendship based first. For any girl that I date, I want them to know everything there is to know about me as well as my life before they commit to making themselves a part of it, even before the simple stage of just being a girlfriend. Too many times I saw myself just jumping into things, and those times are the times that I was out as quick as I came! Things just ended in a jiffy. Did it happen often? Not really, but when it did, I learned. I learned how to value a friendship above all else, and that before I could commit to a serious relationship, I would need to commit to a serious friendship beforehand.
Friendship is very important and dear to me. It hurts to lose those close to me and I will do everything in my power to keep them a part of my life. There are points in time, where you can do nothing but clench your teeth at the thought of not being able to talk to a friend again. Losing people is one of the things that I hate most, but sometimes, in some cases it is inevitable. I mean, what can you do? ....Just pray....Pray for the best...
This probably sounds like a super crazy broken down version of Dr. Phil for our generation. I don’t mean to bash anyone or anyone’s opinions about the subject if there are any….. Please feel free to comment on the blog, I’d love to hear what you guys have to say!
Much love to all of you for listening – I appreciate your time.
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